Why I Feel Unpretty (And 6 Quotes To Help You Remember You’re Beautiful!) ║ Mind, Body & Soul

My waist isn’t small and my bum isn’t toned. My thighs are too fatty and my breasts too saggy. My freckles are awesome but my confidence doesn’t exist. Do you see the problem?

I know I have to keep trying. Keep trying to get to a place where I am happy and comfortable with my body. A place where I am confident in my physical attraction. A place where I remember how beautiful my mind can be too.

A place where I am happy to just be me, as I am.

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The Basic Spoon List (How I Help People To Understand)

After reading The Spoon Theory, I decided that it was probably the best way to get Mr Me to understand, as well as anyone else around me who maybe would want an insight so I decided to create The Basic Spoon List. For 2days, I am going to give Mr Me 12 spoons (possibly 15 if I feel like being genereous) and The Basic Spoon List (see below). And I mean basic because I don’t think it would be fair to give him the list that is actually my life – it’s hard enough for me as it is!

So here’s the list for him and the amount of spoons each action uses with an explanation for most – I hope by seeing my days broken down into such complexity and how much effort each thing takes will help him to understand why I am always tired and rarely want to do a damn thing

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Defying Expectations: My Dysfunctional Family

This morning, I had a random scenario play in my mind of Mini Me 1 (4yo) trying to find food for herself and Mini Me 2 (almost 2yo) because Mummy isn’t awake to feed them. I could see her using her little step stool to try and reach things, trying to find something for her little brother that he will eat, wanting cereal but being unable to get to it on top of the fridge.

This has never, in her life or her brother’s, happened and it never will. But just imagining them going through that nearly reduced me to tears and I had to wonder if those tears were for the thought of my children ever suffering like that or if it related to some surpressed memories of my own childhood… maybe a bit of both?

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When All I Want To Do Is Sleep…

If you’ve ever been depressed or suffered with anxiety (and I don’t know what else) then you may have experienced chronic fatigue. It is not a joke nor is it fun. You can sleep for hours and wake up tired or you can get a minimal amount of sleep and be tired but the bottom line is – you’re tired constantly.

Every day is a battle with yourself to get shit done, even the most basic shit, like get dressed or do your hair or feed the kids or don’t go back to sleep… no task is easy because it all requires so much effort and willpower that just living is hard work.

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Why I Still Need Medication To Be Me

Have you ever done something that affects your whole life but you don’t even realise until it’s all gone so badly wrong that it’s almost ruined everything?
I thought everything was fine because I was living in a bubble of my own creation called depression and anxiety.
Fast forward to 1st August with my life falling apart around me, my relationship near its end and me lost in a bubble of disinterest and tiredness and confusion. Mr Me has no idea I have been off my meds and feeling completely lost for a good few weeks at least.

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An Insight into an Anxious Mind

I still don’t know a lot about anxiety, why it happens or where it comes from. I am researching and trying to learn and understand more about this disorder that plagues my mind. Therapy has taught me that a lot of my problems stem from a dysfunctional childhood, not that it makes it any easier to live with it or deal with it.
Because in my mind I’ve been diagnosed with multiple life-threatening illnesses, my house has burnt down with my family inside, my children have died from SIDs, Mr.Me has been fatally wounded on his way home and I’ve died hundreds of different deaths.

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