Today, I am that mum.
The mum who is short of patience and harsh with her words.
The one who wants children to be seen and not heard, just for a few hours.
The one who would do anything for 10 minutes to drink a cup of tea, in peace, while it’s still hot.
The one who would give anything to be able to run to the shop to buy milk for said tea without the process of getting the kids ready to come too.
The one who would like to remember to feed herself before she starts to get light headed.
Today, I am that mum who wants to sit there and do nothing, just for one day.
The one who’s visualising a sunny beach because I’m trying so hard to stay calm with my brood.
The one who wonders if I really will want a 3rd child if the moment presented itself.
I’m the mum that’s too tired; too hungry; too high in demand; too stretched; never underworked; always got something that needs to be done….
Today, I’m the mum that admits she wishes she could have a break, if only for a night.
I’m the mum that knows the guilt associated with those thoughts.
The mum that feels the anxiety of wondering “how would I feel if something really bad happened and you knew you felt that way”
The mum who wonders how it’s fair that I have to feel guilty for being human.
Today, I’m the mum who’s remembering she’s more than just a mum but knowing anything else is rarely allowed to the surface.
The mum who knows she wouldn’t change her kids for the world but wondering if her world was ready for the kids.
Today, I am still a mum, doing the best I can with what I have.
Failing to be the always smiling, never stressed, crafting, baking, playing, park going, fun filled parent.
Today, I am the struggling, tired, shouting, oven fooding, shop going only, don’t want to do a thing parent.
And that’s okay. Because there’s always tomorrow. And my children love me. They can’t read my mind and their love is much greater than any other emotion they know (most of the time). They forgive easily. And they will always remember the hugs and tickles and special film with duvet days.
This isn’t every day. This is just today.