I’ve been gone for a while and I’m not going to apologise for it. That’s a first. Life is unpredictable and crazy and dramatic which means sometimes we can only do the bare minimum. For a while, I was doing the bare minimum.
I’ve been weaning off of my paroxetine for nearly a month now which isn’t fun but is necessary and I’ve literally just swapped the contraceptive patch for take 2 of the copper coil. Oh, and I have started swimming twice a week and I’m loving it!
I’ve been feeling lost for a while now, unsure of my future and what it holds. I spend too much time indoors, not enough time loving me and I decided to take my friends advice and try a self-help book. I’m a sceptic so believe me when I say, I expect nothing but I have found a lot in the first book I have started reading: I Am That Girl. I have written the below manifesto for myself to keep me focused and successful. I have also started writing in my diary every day and it’s really making a difference to my mood somehow (thanks to my brother for the advice). I recommend this book for anyone feeling a bit lost, unfocused, passionless or a bit “stuck”.
(WARNING: My manifesto is not short so read it only if you have time and you might read something that strikes a chord in you too!)
I Am Me Manifesto
I am always enough. I do enough. I have enough.
I am me. Every day.
I won’t be who others want me to be,
But the real, unedited, beauty-full, perfectly flawed Me.
I will always think for myself.
I will speak my truth and stand my ground.
I believe in a better life and will work hard to make it my reality.
My purpose and passion will drive me
And I accept it’s ability to change and evolve.
I give life to my dreams and to the dreams of my family.
I believe in fate.
Imagine, believe, aspire and achieve.
I will do things that scare me.
I challenge the odds, I raise the bar, I defy statistics.
I refuse to give up.
I will challenge my passions, ideas and fears.
I will ask the hard questions, try new things and love with my whole heart.
My mistakes and failures make me stronger.
My worth is not validated externally, but is shown in my character.
I will surround myself with strong, motivated people.
Especially people who will say what I don’t want to hear.
I choose authenticity and loyalty over perfection.
I appreciate the small gestures.
My worth is immeasurable and from God.
I will remind myself of that daily.
I will learn to exercise patience and kindness as often as possible,
Stay vulnerable when I want to close my heart
And practice coexisting with things that make me uncomfortable (like anxiety).
I will set boundaries of respect, work to honour them,
And be willing to edit the roles of people in my life who can’t.
I have walked many miles in heavy, unidentified and unconsidered shoes,
So I will suspend judgement of others as long as humanly possible.
I am learning to laugh more, stress less, let go often and remain positive as much as I can.
I will do my best to relinquish control because it’s fruitless.
My emotions will pass, they do not define me.
My choices and actions do, so I will do my best to make good ones.
I will try to feed my body good, healthy foods
But won’t punish myself for indulging when I do.
I will try to move my body every day.
I rest when I need to but challenge laziness and procrastination.
I will practice saying “no”
Show myself kindness, compassion and unconditional love.
I am my best friend, I’m proud of Me.
I will protect myself from people who emotionally drain me or expect me to understand their dysfunction.
I have every right in the world to say “no” without feeling guilty.
I share my life’s lessons with others, even the ugly ones with scars.
I will cry when I need to but recognise when I need to get a grip.
I will remember to breathe and be mindful, to find my peace among the drama of everyday life and living.
I will be true to myself, my wants and needs, each and every day.
I will learn to wake up earlier with the purpose of investing time in me, discovering my needs and purposefully fulfilling them.
I owe it to myself to be amazing, so I am.