Where Are You Now?

I’m still here, alive and not quite kicking. 

My paroxetine has been upped as I felt like it was originally making everything worse… so far I don’t feel better. I don’t even feel calm like the Sertraline made me feel. Medication is no fun until you get it right I guess. For now, I’m just about getting by one day at a time.

I’ve also realised that when you decorate your first adult living space, you are destined to dislike it about 5 years, 2 children, 1 partner and 2 mental health issues down the line. I am so sick of my space but so unmotivated to change it because the thought of finding that energy mentally and physically is overwhelming. Plus decisions. So many decisions I feel sick. Hindsight: do not decorate if you can help it or keep everything entirely neutrally beige!

I want to move away from London and start fresh. Away from toxic people and memories. But I would miss my big sister and the few friends I do have. So I feel like I’m a bit stuck, especially without being a driver. Maybe when we get a car it will feel easier to really consider moving outside of London. 

Mini Me 2 is still not picking up the bedtime routine, even though it’s been pretty consistent for most of his 2 years of life. We also really need to get rid of the dummy now as its more of an issue than anything else. Parenting is hard and life without a dummy plug seems incredibly harder. Where’s Super Nanny when you need her?!

Complete general update and a bit of a brain dump but that’s how the cookie crumbles sometimes! 


  1. This was a great read. Decorating is tiresome. I don’t know how people do it all the time. And bedtime is rough. I was thinking myself recently about whether bedtime or the school run itself is the most stressful. I don’t have an answer. Thank you for sharing and for being so open.

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      I’m glad I’m not alone in my feelings. Definitely can’t decide whether the school run or bedtime is the hardest.

      Thank you for commenting!

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