Tonight is a terrible night.
I have been in bed since 10pm trying to sleep. I was awake at 11.45pm when Mr Me got home from work. I was awake at 1.45am when Mr Me fell asleep (when I started writing this).
It’s just started to rain and it sounds lovely but my mind just won’t turn off.
I’ve thought about jogging, swimming, music, a new house, trying to go to sleep, trying not to check the time, being diagnosed with cancer, being diagnosed with a liver problem, being diagnosed with nothing at all but worrying about my health until then (thanks anxiety).
I’ve listened to my headspace meditation, I’ve listened to bedroom r&b, I’ve listened to my usual jazz for sleep which normally works a treat – I’m still awake.
I’ve wondered about sleeping pills knowing how addictive they can be.
I thought listening to Mr Me sleep was the comfort I needed to sleep. I’m still awake. I just wanted to have an early night to try and have just one day where I don’t wake up feeling exhausted, exist feeling exhausted, need to nap and then end up all night.
I just don’t want to be tired anymore. Chronic fatigue is a real thing and I don’t know if this is that. All I do know is I want to sleep at a decent time, wake up at a decent time and not feel like I need another 24 hours sleep for the rest of my day!
This sucks. That’s all.