Losing Your Virginity in The 21st Century

What should be surprising and abnormal, unfortunately in this day and age is more normal than ever. The fact I lost my virginity at the young age of 13, right before my 14th birthday is pretty bad right? No, it wasn’t amazing. Yes, I thought I was in love. No, I wouldn’t have done it if I knew then what I know now.

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Even though the legal age is 16, statistics show a surprising number of teenagers having sex way before they’re ready resulting in an estimate of 50% of pregnancies in under 13-18s ending in abortion. 

The global average age to lose your virginity lies at 17.3 years. In Iceland the people are the youngest. Here people tend to lose their virginity when they are 15.6 years old. In countries such as India, Malaysia and Vietnam, people are considerably older when they lose their virginity. The average age for them is between 19 and 20 years old.

Throughout history, and even in this day and age, a woman with her hymen intact holds more value than ever. I have heard males referring to these “rare” ladies as mythical, one in a million and “wife material”. This purity has even been utilised as a monetary value in some cultures, as well as for some students who want to avoid loan debts to get through university or med school, with prices in the region of millions for a few. We have heard of dowries and “bride-wealths”. Virgin sacrifices in many ancient cultures and religions.

The spiritual bit: Although, the woman involved in these transactions may or may not have been happy with the process and/or outcome (especially the sacrifices), the fact remains that somewhere along the way, we stopped valuing our virginity for what it is. Sacred and valuable. 
Whether you believe it or not, our bodies are our temples in any way you wish to perceive this. It holds out heart, our inner treasure and centre of our feelings. They thrive on positivity and good health and good relationships the same way plants blossom with sunshine, water and fertility.
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I can tell you now I had no idea what an orgasm was or what it should feel like. I had no idea what sex was supposed to be like. I had no business having sex to be honest. I’m not going to talk about souls connecting and fireworks etc, but the truth of the fact for me is that the sex I experience with Mr.Me I will never experience with anyone else and never have. And that is probably what sex should have been about the whole time and why we are supposed to wait. I have shared my body with multiple men who meant nothing, given them a piece of my temple to add to their man shelf while devaluing my own worth. I first had sex with Mr.Me at the age of 15 and although it obviously wasn’t what it is now, he is the person who counted for everything. HNCK3447
The science bit: When two people are intimate, the hypothalamus in the brain releases chemicals that induce feelings of attachment and trust. Having casual sex results in a person forming an attachment and trusting someone they have no right to have feels for. The definition of trust in the mind deteriorates. To have that kind of link with someone without any future is detrimental to our health and well-being.
Sex should be giving and unselfish. At what age do we become able to comprehend such a task? To understand how we were selfish as children and teenagers to know how to give ourselves to someone else selflessly? To fully understand our own bodies, to embrace our unique beauty and understand another persons love and attraction to us in all our perceived flaws? I know I am only just about capable of the latter recently, accepting Mr.Me’s comments for truth and fully understanding he doesn’t see the flaws that I do.
Our virginity should be looked upon as the ultimate “gift” or “prize”. The one thing that scientifically and spiritually connects us to another person.
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I do believe that it can be good to have some experience for a few reasons:
  1. Literal bedroom experience can be helpful. Mr.Me had an ex who was a virgin and definitely didn’t enjoy the experience.
  2. It can prevent cheating because there’s no wondering what someone else is like because you’ve been there already. I no longer have an interest in having sex with anyone else because I feel like I’ve experienced enough.

But do I think this counters the need to keep sex to as few partners as possible? Not at all. Hindsight is a funny thing and I think 5 experiences should have been more than enough but starting at such a young age leaves a massive space of time between losing my virginity and being ready to settle down and this is why sex at such a young age is shit. Because you are nowhere near knowing any of this or caring about it. I wish I hadn’t given tiny pieces of me to men so worthless and insignificant I wish I couldn’t remember their names. But then I wouldn’t be able to write this post either 😉

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Comments

  1. roseamyh says:

    Interesting topic! Personally I find that sex is entirely what you make it. I only lost my virginity 7 months ago, a few weeks after my 21st birthday. My boyfriend was also a virgin & almost 19. For me it was better not having the experience because we could experience all the dumb embarrassing bits together, but I definitely worried at the time that it was too soon – we actually had sex for the first time about a week after “officially” becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, although we’d dated for about a month before then. Now though it doesn’t really bother me and I don’t regret anything – I love him and we connected really quick, yes, but really strongly and for us sex adds to that. We’ve both had some questioning/wondering what it would be like with someone else but our relationship is more than the sex so we’ve gotten over it (at least so far!). I’d say I do put quite a lot of meaning on sex, but my meaning is just that – MY personal meaning. I feel like we all have unique feelings towards it & I try not to project mine onto anyone else.

    Really interesting & well written post!

  2. You are the first non virgin who shares the same concept that I do. I’m only 17 and I’m still a virgin. I plan for it to stay that way for awhile actually. I think sex is too casual in society now. Sex is a big deal and losing your virginity is a big deal.It’s honestly the one thing that we all truly own and it should be special. Now I don’t want to shame people who have lost thier virginity ,but it bother me when they make it seem like it’s not a big deal. I personally don’t believe you can have sex with someone and form no connection at all. You don’t have to love them ,but you still formed a connection with them. Your giving them a little piece of you that you can’t take back. I personally want to give all my pieces to the right person. I know you can’t guarantee anything ,but being older and knowing some things about people and life definitely affect your decision. Sorry if this can off ranty but I have never met a person who already had sex and shared a similar logic to myself. Great post and written.

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      Hey hun – thanks for commenting. I mean it’s okay to have fun and get some experience as long as you know that’s what you’re doing. It’s OK to sleep around I guess if that’s what makes you happy.
      I just wish I had made some different choices personally.

      Emmie xo

  3. This was definitely an interesting piece to read, as a couple and us knowing each other’s sexual history and how different they are, it does make you think about how others think about it – thank you for sharing!

    Jessica & James☺️💓
    http://www.foodandbaker.co.uk

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      Thank you for your comment – it’s definitely interesting to hear from a couple’s point of view. x

  4. Témi says:

    I liked your post! But I kind of disagree about sex bonding you spiritually to someone 🙈. If that was the case then no one would be able to get over the person they lost their virginity to.

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      I doubt many people forget who they lost their virginity to? I would call that a lifelong connection. X

      1. Témi says:

        I remember who my first kiss, who my first crush was, etc. I don’t have a lifelong connection with these people, I just remember them because they were my first. I just feel like the lifelong connection theory is mostly used to dissuade women from sleeping with multiple people. I don’t really hear people say the same thing abt men.

        I’m not trying to argue with you, I just think there’s a different way to think about this, esp since sex and virginity are often used to shame women.

        1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

          I’m glad to read this as you’re the second person to say something along those lines, which allows me to question my thoughts and beliefs on this topic.

          I don’t know if this is a thing where I have a personal expectation and maybe society helped me to feel a shame for how far I went beyond that expectation or if the expectation was created by society itself… the dreaded “how many sexual partners have you had?” question and the attitude of anything more than 7 or something was not someone who could be “wife”.

          1. xoxotemi says:

            I just want you to know that you’re worthy of being a wife no matter how many partners you’ve had! 💓. I’ve also felt shame because of society’s expectations but I’m trying to unlearn that.

          2. Unsigned, Emmie says:

            Sorry I didn’t reply sooner! Mr.Me accepts me as I am which is a blessing. Guess it’s just society standards stuck in my head that bother me xx

  5. I think that virginity really is a social construct, it’s used to manipulate women’s behaviour and tell them that they’re “bad” or “dirty” for having or enjoying sex! Notice how if a man is not a virgin on his wedding night, it’s no bother! Throughout history men were expected to have numerous mistresses! It really made me sad to read that you feel like sleeping with multiple men has devalued your worth. It absolutely has not! You may regret those associations now but they do not affect your worth as a person, your worth is not defined by who you sleep with! ❤️❤️❤️ I do agree that sex connects you spiritually and physically to a person but it does not define your worth! You are more than your “viriginity”!

    This wasn’t a critical comment, just my opinion! I hope it has provided some food for thought, as I feel like you’ve written a really thought provoking piece as well!

    Abbey ✨ http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      Hi hun. I didn’t feel dirty or bad at the time of having sex so young etc, but more in hindsight more than 10 years later I guess. Maybe as I am learning to love myself more and respect my body and worth more? But then you’re saying that feeling is probably from a social construct which teaches me that my body and sex are linked to my worth and it isn’t true?

      I mean if sex does connect you spiritually and physically to a person, I just wonder if maybe we are worth more than being connected to multiple men who mean nothing to us? It just confuses me a bit and makes me feel a bit ashamed/sad.

      Love your comment so don’t explain yourself!

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