What should be surprising and abnormal, unfortunately in this day and age is more normal than ever. The fact I lost my virginity at the young age of 13, right before my 14th birthday is pretty bad right? No, it wasn’t amazing. Yes, I thought I was in love. No, I wouldn’t have done it if I knew then what I know now.
Even though the legal age is 16, statistics show a surprising number of teenagers having sex way before they’re ready resulting in an estimate of 50% of pregnancies in under 13-18s ending in abortion.
The global average age to lose your virginity lies at 17.3 years. In Iceland the people are the youngest. Here people tend to lose their virginity when they are 15.6 years old. In countries such as India, Malaysia and Vietnam, people are considerably older when they lose their virginity. The average age for them is between 19 and 20 years old.
Throughout history, and even in this day and age, a woman with her hymen intact holds more value than ever. I have heard males referring to these “rare” ladies as mythical, one in a million and “wife material”. This purity has even been utilised as a monetary value in some cultures, as well as for some students who want to avoid loan debts to get through university or med school, with prices in the region of millions for a few. We have heard of dowries and “bride-wealths”. Virgin sacrifices in many ancient cultures and religions.
The spiritual bit: Although, the woman involved in these transactions may or may not have been happy with the process and/or outcome (especially the sacrifices), the fact remains that somewhere along the way, we stopped valuing our virginity for what it is. Sacred and valuable.
Whether you believe it or not, our bodies are our temples in any way you wish to perceive this. It holds out heart, our inner treasure and centre of our feelings. They thrive on positivity and good health and good relationships the same way plants blossom with sunshine, water and fertility.
I can tell you now I had no idea what an orgasm was
or what it should feel like. I had no idea what sex was supposed to be like. I had no business having sex to be honest. I’m not going to talk about souls connecting and fireworks etc, but the truth of the fact for me is that the sex I experience with Mr.Me I will never experience with anyone else and never have. And that is probably what sex should have been about the whole time and why we are supposed to wait. I have shared my body with multiple men who meant nothing, given them a piece of my temple to add to their man shelf while devaluing my own worth
. I first had sex with Mr.Me at the age of 15 and although it obviously wasn’t what it is now, he is the person who counted for everything.
The science bit: When two people are intimate, the hypothalamus in the brain releases chemicals that induce feelings of attachment and trust. Having casual sex results in a person forming an attachment and trusting someone they have no right to have feels for. The definition of trust in the mind deteriorates. To have that kind of link with someone without any future is detrimental to our health and well-being.
Sex should be giving and unselfish. At what age do we become able to comprehend such a task? To understand how we were selfish as children and teenagers to know how to give ourselves to someone else selflessly? To fully understand our own bodies, to embrace our unique beauty and understand another persons love and attraction to us in all our perceived flaws? I know I am only just about capable of the latter recently, accepting Mr.Me’s comments for truth and fully understanding he doesn’t see the flaws that I do.
Our virginity should be looked upon as the ultimate “gift” or “prize”. The one thing that scientifically and spiritually connects us to another person.
I do believe that it can be good to have some experience for a few reasons:
- Literal bedroom experience can be helpful. Mr.Me had an ex who was a virgin and definitely didn’t enjoy the experience.
- It can prevent cheating because there’s no wondering what someone else is like because you’ve been there already. I no longer have an interest in having sex with anyone else because I feel like I’ve experienced enough.
But do I think this counters the need to keep sex to as few partners as possible? Not at all. Hindsight is a funny thing and I think 5 experiences should have been more than enough but starting at such a young age leaves a massive space of time between losing my virginity and being ready to settle down and this is why sex at such a young age is shit. Because you are nowhere near knowing any of this or caring about it. I wish I hadn’t given tiny pieces of me to men so worthless and insignificant I wish I couldn’t remember their names. But then I wouldn’t be able to write this post either 😉
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