Surviving Narcissism; Betrayal and Insecurity

About 7 months ago, I had a secret plan. The plan was pretty much to stay with Mr.Me until my contract at work finished this year and then to throw him out when he was surplus to requirements. At one point, I wasn’t sure if I loved him or hated him or hated him because I loved him.

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Among women who know they are pregnant, 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage in the UK. In 2013, I was one of those 1 in 6 statistics.

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We all have our ways of dealing with things. I cried a lot.

Mr.Me began talking to other females (to my knowledge). It could have been going on from before but this is when I found out. And I was gutted because I had never suspected it. And it wasn’t one or two. It was many. An ex, a whore, a colleague – it seemed like anyone who showed any interest he flirted with.

When I confronted him, he did what many guys did – he flipped it onto me. I was wrong for going through his phone, it was just friendly banter (referring to an exes tight pussy seems to surpass banter in my opinion) or it was business. I was wrong about it all. I cried and shouted. This carried on pretty much for the whole of 2014 with me checking his phone, him denying it and flipping it on me, him staying away overnight etc. We spoke about breaking up more times than I can remember. He looked at alternative accommodation.

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2015 was some more of the same but maybe to a lesser degree. He had accepted how his actions had made me feel and how I viewed them enough to try to stop but he has never agreed that it was wrong because to him, he did nothing wrong. He didn’t see it as inappropriate, traitorous or disrespectful. He honestly (or proclaims) believes it was all innocent. As a grown ass woman, I call bullshit. He knows he was wrong, he knows if it was the other way around I would never have gotten away with it but he is as stubborn as he can be ignorant and I gave up expecting admission a long time ago.

Early this year, I called him out on his friendship with the ex in particular. This is when my plan had come to force. I was fed up. I didn’t like it. And I told him in no uncertain terms he either stopped talking to her or he stopped living with me.
Boy did we argue. It was explosive. But for once, I didn’t back down. This was the deciding factor in my decision.

Give or take a week, he deleted her number and to my knowledge no longer has contact with her. At some point, I had to decide to either let this all go – stop checking his phone, stop searching for answers, and make it work or to stick with my plan, never trust him again and leave (or let him leave).

As you can guess if you’ve read any previous posts, Mr.Me is still here. 2016 has been a strong year for us in terms of trust issues. I learnt to be open and speak on how I feel, no matter how hard it may be or how he may react. I have to do what’s good for me to even consider making this work – and that’s working for us.

I know the sacrifices we have both made since 2013, the plans for our future and the truth in our relationship. I know we aren’t perfect because we both have imperfections like me being an attention whore when I feel insecure and him being a narcissistic flirt (in my opinion). But I think together we make each other stronger and help us to recognise and work on our relationship flaws.

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If it had been physical cheating or even seeing someone else, it would have been a different story. And my choice might not work for everyone – in fact, it wouldn’t have worked for me a year or two ago. It just shows that sometimes, time and passion are what’s needed if both people are willing. Mr.Me eventually accepted my insecurity (which was a result of his actions) which made it a lot easier for us to discuss and move forward.

Now we are making plans to buy a house with a garden. Time will tell whether it’s for the long haul but I hope it is. Bitter bitches need not comment – I’m sorry if shit didn’t work for you or you couldn’t continue in your relationship or they left you. Well done you if you were strong and left and it was for the best. But if you want to comment some negative shit based on your experience, please work out how you can move forward without trying to bring other people down.

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Comments

  1. Steph says:

    It’s hard to know what to do in these situations – especially with emotional affairs (I’ve been there). Others will judge us, this is a given. But we need to do what is best for us. Sometimes we don’t know if it will work out, but we have to try.

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      Thank you for commenting and sorry for such a slow reply – everything is messing up at my end so I’m not being notified of new comments! I guess not every case of infidelity is black and white or can be dealt with as such! We definitely have to do what is best for us without worrying about other peoples opinions.

      Emmie xo

  2. This is such a wonderful post – you are so strong! Such a positive ending, I love it. β™₯

    1. Unsigned, Emmie says:

      Thank you for commenting and sorry for such a slow reply – everything is messing up at my end so I’m not being notified of new comments! I guess not every bad story has to have a bad ending πŸ™‚

      Emmie xo

  3. […] goals are tricky considering all that has happened in the last few years (click here if you’re not sure what I’m referring to!). Marriage is onΒ  the cards somewhere but getting our own home is more important right now so I […]

  4. gmmrs says:

    It’s soooooo easy for people to just say go ahead and leave him if they were in your situation. Relationships aren’t that simple to just throw away or more importantly to not work at and work through things. It’s tough but look at y’all still with each other. I don’t fault you I get it.

    1. Unsigned, Me says:

      Tell me about it! Plus sometimes advise isn’t about you or your situation, it’s a biased opinion from someone else’s experience. Just gotta do what is best at the time and have faith x

      1. gmmrs says:

        Well said! I like that.

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