I haven’t written in a while. It wasn’t intentional, I just didn’t have anything to say. At all. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what I thought about most things. Then, as I really started to want to post again, nothing was coming together. I think it’s the universe’s way of telling me that sometimes I have to slow down in order to keep up mentally.
I am tired in a way that doesn’t make sense. I don’t feel that I am depressed again. I get enough sleep mostly. I’m not physically over exerting myself by anyone’s standards. Being tired all the time makes me worry and worrying makes me anxious. Anxiety keeps me up at night and so the cycle never ends.
I want to blog and yet the words won’t come. The ideas. I have vague thoughts that I know could make a good blog but trying to get past the tiredness to write them down in a way that is worth reading? That’s something else entirely.
What’s new? I was diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome which I expected and my costochondritis has flared up again with a vengeance. My brother visited again not too long ago. I haven’t blogged since the beginning of June. I still love Zing Zing chinese food and Indian food. I have someone I think might actually be a new friend. There’s also a mum at Miss 5’s school who refuses to talk to me after I raised an issue with her son with the teachers – that’s her problem.
It was Mister Me’s birthday last week. I’ve come to realise I don’t like being in my childhood home. I feel like my family always expect something from me but I rarely get anything in return. I’ve put on so much weight in the last 2 months so I know come September I have a lot of work to do. I might even join Slimming World again.
I sound miserable and unhappy right? But I’m okay. Tired but okay. I just feel a lot lost and a little lonely.
But I just wanted anyone who reads this to know I’m still here. Still anxious. Still tired. Still searching. Still mentally messed up. But I got up this morning and I’m still trying to find a way to live and find my happiness.